Aug 10, 2009

letter to addi from daddy

i wrote this as if my lover was still here to write it for his angel (addi)!! debbie read it for me at his funeral, she did such a good job!

To my "son" (addison)
my angel i love you so much and always will,
please know i didn't mean to leave when i got ill.
but it's only my body, my spirit is still here,
you can't see me but I see you clear.
God sent down an angel to me and gurl
knowing how much you'd change our world.
I met you on valentine's and fell in love
in my arms forever you fit like a glove.
I looked down and saw you had my nose,
my smile, knock knees, and tiny toes.
It was my addi, "son", form there on out
i wanted addi gurl gardner so i could shout
"ada gurl go, don't get out!"
I hoped it to be at a baseball game
but if it's dance my love stays the same
well i guess you do have my dancing skills
you came up with "elbows", that gave me thrills
when you are older and wiser and ready for more
the arm pit dance you will know for sure
but if that isn't doin it for you i know someone who can help
it's momy she seems to dance pretty well.
just don't let her teach you to sing
between me and you it's not the best ring
there are a couple other things don't let mommy do
like cut you hair, she promised me never to
and don't let mommy be so sad for to long awhile
you have my personality to make anyone smile!
a few more things you need to know
i taught you to crawl, walk, and blow
i got you your first 3 wheeler
stayed up all night stuffing your stocking with filler
it was so full of gifts it was twice your size
that's just how i do things, over the top, surprised?
the lastest thing i was working with you to do
was spit seeds and in sign language say "I love you"
you got hang loose down to a tee
now put up all three and hold it out to me
we watched "cars" a hundred times at least
got in and out of the hot tub just to please,
jumping on the tramp for hours never bothered me
I loved reading with you that bear bokk you gave me.
Angel I love you this world it tough
but you're strong and beautiful and all that good stuff
be a good daughter, granddaughter and friend to Thee
and you'll be a leader just like me.
be respectful, don't lie cheat or steal
never gossip... it's just not chill
be of service as much as you can
cause that's what God wants, I've met the man
you will always be in my heart and I in yours
one day you'll see me again when you knock on heavens doors
but until then mommy is yours
i know you'll make me proud no matter what you do
just know i love you and mommy too
here is one more poem mom wrote in the past
so you know how our love still lasts....

Hey my love here's a poem from the heart,
i'm going to take us back to the start
this sweet love all begun in 2001
and even then i knew you were the one!
a goody-goody cheerleader and a bad-boy picture
after one date you took me to Sunday dinner
we snuck out that night, down the canyon we flew
oh ya! our first kiss, not one but two
two totally different people with all the same interests
fell crazy in love and that's not the best
we're still crazy in love and it's been 8 years
we've been threw so much, a lot of laughter and tears
we have this perfect, irreplaceable love,
I'm so lucky to have you, i thank God above!
we have so many memories, big and small
people might get jealous if i wrote down them all
like the tropical forest or the time in Cali,
or laughin all night at the bowling alley
we've gone to moab, tahoe, and havisu pi
the grand canyon, st. george with cousin Bry
now we're apart, it's been the longest trip ever
I miss you so much, but I'll love you forever
we've seen and done a lot of crazy things
but you live and you learn, we're only human beings
I do know one thing i've learned a lot from you
you're my better half, you're what gets me through
baby i need you, my heart needs to be mend
the only one that can do it is you, my BEST FRIEND!
this poem is just the beginning of you and I
I never want it to end, I hate good-bye
but our love just keeps on keeping on
and soon we'll be together forever long!
I love you burl
love gurl
thank you everyone so much for all the love and support!! it means the world to me and addi. i know bj didn't want to go so soon, we had so many plans ahead but heavenly father knows us all better than we ever will. and all i have is faith now to know all is well! thanks again to everyone for making the funeral perfect and for being a part of bj's life!

15 comments:

Emma said...

I love you Kelsey! If you ever need anything don't hesitate to call! We are always here for you!

Gabe said...

Kelsey, please know that I am thinking of you and if i can do anything please let me know. Love ya

Compton Family said...

Sorry, I didn't realize I was signed in under Gabe's account. The last message was from Aleana in case you were wondering.

Emily said...

This made me cry, Kelsey! So sweet. What a great letter for Addi to have to remember her daddy. And your poem was beautiful. Thanks for sharing! Hang in there and know we love you and Addi!

Colby & Amanda said...

so sorry to hear what happened! know that you are in our prayers, we love you!

Amie said...

Kelsey,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in our prayers. If there's anything you need please let me know. Love you
Amie

Jobi Niu said...

Kels. I love you girl. I was honored to go to his funeral. You are SO TALENTED. I was BAWLING hearing the stuff you wrote and BAWLING reading it on this. IF you need anything let me know. Addi is ADORABLE. Stay strong. Love ya girl. :]

Rachel said...

Kelsey,

I am so sorry once again for what has happened. My heart hurts so bad for you. I have been thinking about you a ton and want you to know that I will continue to pray for you. I know it is hard... I think you are smart though. Your faith is unbelievable. Sometimes it is only Faith that can get us through these tough times. Addie is lucky to have a mom and dad that love her so much. You are lucky that she now has a constant gaurdian angel watching over her when you can't. BJ is an amazing person. He will always be missed. You are a lucky girl to have such a great husband and he is a lucky guy to have you. You are so strong kels. I was shocked. I hope all is well and i really want to keep in touch. I am sorry this has happened. I know it is far fetched, but honestly if you need anything at all, please let me know. I will pray and pray for you to have comfort. BJ loves you and your little girl so much.

The funeral was amazing by the way. I was so impressed with those poems. You are one talented girl.

west's said...

Kels - my heart goes out to you & Addi. You are such a strong person & your letters were so sweet & just reading thru them you can tell what a good dad he was to Addi & that's what she'll remember thru the letter. I love you!! jess

Tiffany said...

Kelsey-
You may not remember me, I was one of the "son" twins - Tiffany Son! But I have been right where you are at right now. My husband past away in a motorcycle accident April of 2008. I have a little son, he is the rock that I needed to get me through all of it. He is my constant reminder of Kirt and I am soooo greatful for that. Your post made me bust in tears because I know what pain you are in. Heavenly Father really does have it figured out. You will find times that you will question it...but stay strong. I kind of feel some of our "chosen" because he knew that we could handle it. There is a special mission planned out for BJ. But also know that there is a special mission for you!! Stay close to the gospel and to Heavenly Father. If you need anything...I mean that...my email is tiff.mendenhall@gmail.com

Debbie Gardner said...

It's awesome, you did such a good job! I hopoe I didn't totally screw it up, I was struggling to see through my tears some of the time

Meghan said...

Kels...
I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out after reading your poems. I just want you to know that I love you so so much and I'm here if you need anything. You have been on my mind a lot lately! When things calm down please give me a call. I'd love to get together.

Mike and Aubrey Asay said...

Kelsey;
Oh my gosh, I don't even know what to say right now! I'm so sorry for your loss. I hadn't heard about BJ since I live in Washington, and haven't checked blogs for so long.... I am so sad right now!! Sad for you, sad for your daughter, and so sad that BJ left so early! I can't emagine what you are going thru. I admire your strength and testimony and I know it will be a comfort for you! Those poems are so presious and sweet! You will be in my thoughts and prayers! I wish I was there to give you a big hug!
~Aubrey

Aimee Smith said...

Kelsey,

I was so sorry when I heard about BJ, you and Addi are in our prayers! Those letters were so sweet what a wonderful way for Addi to remember her dad!

Carly said...

Your sis Andrea does my hair :)
This poem is absolutely amazing.